Talking about it
A friendly blog reader shared my travel plan (OZ/New Zealand) with their friend, who reached out to me with a link to a blog documenting their travels in NZ.
Such a gift!
Exactly what I'd hoped, that expressed thoughts would somehow turn into connections. Put it out into the universe and the universe will respond. A small idea will grow on the energy of the community. I'm counting on that in my mission.
Beyond that, my new contact had this to say via email:
"I skimmed through your blog and also want to also say I’m sorry to hear about your brother and cousin. We’ve endured a cousin and two family-friend’s funerals the past few years because of substance abuse and I don’t think the problem gets the exposure it really needs. Thank you for sharing."
Then meeting a new friend for lunch today, she said that she's had several friends who've faced serious substance misuse challenges.
This is why I am travelling this path, to raise awareness and get people talking openly about substance misuse, because it is only when we speak openly about these issues that we can hope to make the changes needed in our society and policy to help everyone affected.
Over three years ago when my brother died, and I returned to work, many of my lovely co-workers reached out to me, one by one. They each would pull me into an empty office or meeting room, so that we could speak privately. "My brother...." said one. "My father...", "My sister...", "My best friend...", "I...", said others. I was touched that they would trust me with their stories. I was also struck with the fact that they likely did not know each other's stories, people who'd worked together for many years, who considered each other valued friends. I committed to finding a way to get people talking about the ways addiction changes all of our lives. This blog is a starting place.
Pete wouldn't talk about his drinking, until not long before he passed. My guess is that he felt shame that his life was off the rails. I'll share scientific evidence in a future post which verifies this is likely. Our culture doesn't help, reinforcing all sorts of fallacies about addiction that bolster shame in the user.
Talking with Pete's friends since his passing, so many times I thought and I heard, "If only I'd realized the full extent...." There is a cultural hesitation to butt in: a fear of exposing secrets, a fear of making the user angry, a fear of stepping on family toes, a fear of the big unknown of what to do that will be effective. That faint fog of shame around addiction envelopes us all and paralyzes us.
I am throwing energy into the cause. Reverse that momentum. Bring issues into the open, in the spirit of trying to help. Shine light into the darkness, with compassion. Educate about best practices, once I’ve educated myself, in order to help a substance user find their way to treatment, and the best kind of treatment. With knowledge comes confidence. What we talk about, we can solve.
One in five people in the U.S. are experiencing or have experienced and recovered from addiction in their lives. We are they, or we know them, love them, care about them, want better for them.
Who is your person? Who are your people? Let's talk.
