The constraints of time

Part II of three

Part I described the great leap into the Unknown and its general drivers. Those drivers deserve a little more description.

In terms of mindset, things really changed for me in my late 50’s. Prior to that, I’d always loved my work in urban design, community master planning, and building design and construction, and suddenly all of that just seemed a whole lot less important. A few key factors played into a new mindset:

One, I feel keenly the loss of loved ones around me, either already or coming soon. For one, I lost my brother Pete in 2019. There is something about losing your only sibling that brings one’s own mortality - and an existential loneliness - sharply into focus. His loss was so hard on my mother, and I’ve seen how each year passing (she is 85) reduces her range of movement and energy for activities, and increases bodily points of pain. I’ve already lost my beloved stepmother - her bright, cheery light, sharp sense of humor and warmth like a wool blanket - to dementia during the pandemic. Then, there are my peers - a dear friend from high school is battling advanced cancer in a heroic way, one that limits her world significantly. Up close, I watched for a year as a work colleague fought and lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. Life has gotten too damn short to postpone anything.

Two, the pandemic brought concerns about personal health to the forefront in a way they weren’t before. My age cohort is facing joint replacements, new symptoms of the systemic diseases of aging, and more health fronts to manage. I see it in my own body, the increased aches and pains requiring more exercise and yoga to manage, and the new symptoms and conditions brought up for tracking at every doctor s appointment. It was clear that the stress of work - the pressure, the lack of sleep, the non-existent time for self-care - was a contributing factor to health issues, which was another reason for my departure. All of this makes me keenly aware that mobility and health are precious and will not last forever. The time is now to follow any calling.

Three, I’d reached a hard stop to delaying my personal interests due to commitments to work. For years I’ve wanted to read, write, and study with a focus on spiritual topics, without the time or mental energy to take it on in any serious way. Taking that one step further, when my brother died, I realized that his story needs to be told. He died suddenly, from the consequences of long-term alcohol addiction. I want to shine light on the secrets and shame generated by addiction, the poisons that played a role in his death, and do so in a way that can help others facing similar challenges. There is much for Pete’s friends and family to process to fully come to peace with the lifelong struggles with alcohol and depression that likely took his life. Telling the story will help purge the remaining demons of trauma and substance use disorder from my family and our culture, and hopefully leave other families and future generations less hobbled by addiction. My research for a book has begun, and what I’ve learned so far is that spirituality and transcendence are at the core of the remedy for addiction (more on that to come). Somehow, at my stage of life, helping individuals, their families and communities find their way with the help of Pete’s story seems so much more important than the next building construction project.

So, with the birth of this blog, there is much growing for me to do before reaching maturity in the life stories and the lessons. This blog will be a tool for my growth, and hopefully for others as well. It is apparent there are a couple of themes that will be featured from the beginning: transcendence, and coping with substance misuse within a family or community. Within each of those are worlds of subthemes, and also I think we will find together that the two are integrally linked. The exploration is both to satisfy my own curiosity and present information as useful as possible for others.

So much to explore. I’d like to have you along for the ride, and I appreciate your patience as the finer points get sorted. There is one more part to this story that will be shaped by your reflections/reactions/input and those of the Everyday Transcendence community.

There are some questions for you, in Part III, here.